30 Fun and Fabulous Facts

In celebration of my recent birthday I thought I would change up this week’s blog post and do something a little lighter in tone.

30 things you may or may not know about me (one for each year I’ve been alive!):

1. I have 5 piercing in one ear--3 of which my mom pierced for me. I only wear three of the five.
2. I have a serious fear of heights and don’t actual like roller coasters.
3. One my favorite meals is my dad’s mac-n-cheese (but my mom taught him how to make it!).
4. I talk to Trini as if she is a person and as a result I’m pretty sure it’s made her a very neurotic dog.
5. I have a fixation with being strikingly unique—from my clothes, to my attitude, to my hair style, to my writing style—I blame it on being a twin and always having to share everything (DT and I shared almost everything until we were 21 from friends to jobs to schools).
6. I’m obsessed with reality TV. I have no idea why.
7. I had an atrial septal defect repaired when I was four, and I have a moon shaped scar that spans from under my arm to the other side of my boob. Being a swimmer and wearing tiny little competitive bathing suits people could always see my scar, so I used to make-up stories about how I got it instead of telling the truth.
8. I have another scar on my belly that’s in the perfect shape of an “L” that JT gave me with scissors.
9. I am extremely close with my mom, dad and brothers and talk to them several times a day (I think my parents actually get sick of me calling!).
10. My one real vice is Dt. Coke…ok pop in general. In college JP and I could go through a cube of Pepsi in less than a week (she’s the only person besides JT that I know has the same love affair with pop).
11. I only drink pop with a straw (something I learned from JP!).
12. Sometimes I put on musicals just so I can sing along (a personal favorite is “Suddenly Seymour”).
13. I dated the same guy on and off for over ten years. He was my first boyfriend and at one point I was sure I would marry him. Funny how life works out.
14. I hate dressing up for Halloween but love decorating for it (backwards I know).
15. When I get really, really angry I cry. When other people cry, I cry. But other than that I don't really cry.
16. One of my best friends, J(L)M, and I became friends in first grade when we came to school wearing the exact same outfit right down to the same shoes. Throughout our friendship we have shown up to places in the same outfits without knowning we'd done it. Our friendship has stood strong for over 20 years.
17. I played the piano for 17 years and minored in it in college but I haven’t really played it since I was 26.
18. I love lilacs.
19. My family in Atlanta is very special to me, and we always spend some part of the summer together.
20. When I was little I was sure I would be married by the time I hit 30 and have a child named Anne Elizabeth Suzan Taczak-XXX. Poor child would have had nightmares about her name.
21. I occasionally have a moment of panic where a tiny voice in my head screams “you won’t be able to finish your dissertation.”
22. I love fashion and learned most of what I know from my mom.
23. I once won a push-up contest where I did 115 push-ups (true story ask JP or DT…afterwards I went to a frat party and challenged a guy who was annoying me to a push-up contest and beat him. I truly am no longer that competitive nor can I do that many push-ups).
24. I love shoes, bags, and scarves and own almost 50 pairs of shoes (mostly Steve Madden and Jessica Simpson’s because they are the only shoes that tend to fit me—I have an unusually small foot and even smaller heel), 30 scarves, and 20 bags.
25. When I was sophomore in high school I got a B in English because I sat and unashamedly flirted with the boy behind me instead of paying attention. I never got a B in English again.
26. I go to church every Sunday.
27. I hate it when people mention my height and have a tendency to want to drop kick someone when they mention it. Yeah, I get it. I’m short. Get over it already.
28. Sometimes when I’m angry, frustrated or upset with someone I have vividly detailed conversations with them in my head. One time a person that I was having a “conversation” with came up behind me and could tell something was wrong and that it was directed at her. Now I try and keep those conversations in the shower so my body language doesn’t project what I’m thinking (I’ve been told I can have loud body language).
29. I never read the Harry Potter books but I love all the movies.
30. I believe in standing up for what you believe in even if no one else around agrees with you but I don't believe in arguing with someone who's stupidly putting down your beliefs because that person has already shut out/off anything you would say (think about it...).

I can only hope and pray that my 30s are as entertaining, enlightening, and fabulous as my 20s were!

Big A, Little A what begins with A?

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. Dr. Seuss

Well, ain’t that the truth, Seuss.

That Dr. Seuss had wisdom to spare and as another week begins I find myself drawn to some of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes. I grew up with Dr. Seuss—we were best buds, if you will—my mom taught my brothers and me to read using many of his books (and if I try I can recite several from memory: Big F, little f what begins with F? Four, Fluffy feathers on a fiffer-fefer-feff!) when we were barely old enough to read. From this began a love affair with words, thus, I’ve been fond of reading and writing ever since. Love affair is very appropriate description (especially given today is Valentine’s Day and all) because the relationship has had its ups and downs—sometimes even failing on me when I needed it most.

Take today. I had an interview with a school that I was very excited about interviewing with. But, I have a cold (yes, I’m sick again…I apparently have a sign on my forehead that says, “open for business—calling all germs”) that has situated itself in my throat and sinuses. I basically coughed my way through a feverish 20min interview (case in point: right in the middle of explaining a key point of my research I had to break for coughing…moment lost). I’m hoping and praying that somehow the search committee heard my main points through the coughing and sniffing but who knows (no one likes a sniffer). Words failed me today because they got caught behind a wall of mucus (gross, I know). I’m still blaming them because I feel if they had really had my back they would have mustered through with a better fight.

Today’s interview I'm appropriately titling as a AYFK? moment.
My mentor (and dissertation head) told a group of us a secret: awhile
ago she was given a slip of paper with words "are you kidding" on them
and was told to pull it out whenever the moment seemed to call for them.
Today was one of those moments only I'd like to re-phrase, "are you [blank]
kidding?!?" (texting purposes AYFK?).

The questions are complicated, yes indeed. How the heck do I get a job? How do I prove to a search committee that I’m the one that they want (because I’m smart, competent, and work really hard—I mean how does one get that across in an interview without seeming too narcissistic)? When do I get off this insanely long and bumpy roller coaster (have a mentioned I hate roller coasters?!?)? And most importantly, “And will [I] succeed?” According to Seuss, “Yes, indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.” Hm. It’s the other one and a quarter that worries me.

The Facts of Life

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have—The Facts of Life.

Some people never learn about the “facts of life” because some people never learn to take the good with the bad. We’re human—we want good all the time—even if we know it’s unrealistic.

A fact:
The Steelers lost the Super Bowl on Sunday, and as saddened as I am by that fact, I still pretty proud of my boys. 2nd in the NFL is none too shabby especially when the critics panned them as having a bad year due to the BR drama. Yes, the boys done well—they done real well.

There's a time you got to go and show, You're growin' now you know about—The Facts of Life.

A fact:
Some people never grow only wanting to wallow around in what might have been instead of what could be. Three of my friends have gotten campus interviews and one of them said to me that he almost didn’t tell me because he knew I’d be upset. I found this to be amusing rather than offensive (luckily) because one thing I’ve learned in the last six months is you can’t wallow. What kind of person would be upset over a friend’s success? Seems silly. No, I’m proud of these three. They are forging ahead and making it work in a very difficult market.

You got the future in the palm of your hands all you gotta do to get you through is understand you think you rather do without, you will never make without the truth—The facts of life is all about you.

A fact:
You gotta take the job market experience as a growing and learning experience otherwise you’re never going to get out of bed in the morning; you’re never going to teach your students anything substantial this semester; and you’re never going to finish your dissertation. I keep learning this fact over and over again. I feel kinda bad for the head of my dissertation (and also my go-to person for advice on just about everything) because I have had the same talk with her repeatedly (of course I have also had the same talk with my mom and dad, but I don’t feel quite as bad because they don’t have any choice in the matter). So, three people I respect tell me over and over again the same thing: to take each interview, each rejection, each stumble and grow from them. And I do—I grow—but sometimes I grow backwards and need to be reminded I do have the future in the palm of my hand…it’s just the future’s a little unclear right now. But who knows what fact of life next week might hold for me.

I'm taking the good with the bad or at least I'm learning to.

Whataya want from me?!?

Whataya want from me?!?

Adam Lambert, looking straight into the camera, provocatively sings “whataya want from me” and we wonder just who is he talking to—the public, the radio stations, the paparazzi, the record label or is he really just singing an anthem of many of our lives? The answer to his probing question is never answered and even in interviews Lambert says the song’s meant to be open for interpretation.

I have never really liked Adam Lambert—a personal preference to be sure—but his lyrics are the kind that get stuck in your head and won’t get out. I started out not even wanting to listen to his first single and then last summer a good friend of mine came into town. We had a conversation about how much she loves (!) Lambert and how much I did not. To be honest EB has quite the eclectic taste (read weird ;-) in the people that she appreciates/loves in Hollywood. I mean this is a girl who has a near obsession with Steve Buscemi beyond his acting ability—great actor, but past that um, no thanks. So we had this long conversation about Lambert and she didn’t sell me on him, but once she left I started to hear his song everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. I’d be in the mall or in the car or I’d be watching TV and boom! There he was in all his glammed out glory. I think EB flew out of Tallie leaving behind a (Glam)bert curse—to follow me wherever I go. So, Lambert’s song grew on me (note: he did not—just to be clear).

Whataya want from me?!?

January, for me, has been the month of whataya want from me. The post from a few weeks ago needs to be revised: Pollyanna has fled the building. I’ve been sitting on the sidelines for most of the month, and I’m going to be honest it’s been hard.

First came an ankle injury, which left me having to try and do work from the couch. Sounds reasonable but I had to elevate my ankle and ice it while attempting to balance my computer, books, notes, and notebooks. I tried to suck it up and sit at my desk only to have my ankle swell more. Luckily it’s on the mend. I think what’s distressed me the most about the ankle injury is the fact that I’ve been stuck in tennis shoes and flats for over two weeks not an easy feat for a girl who loves her heels.

Next I somehow contracted two strains of the flu virus—I’m blaming my freshmen, which I told them and they agreed it was probably them—and have been completely “laid up” (as my grandmother would say) for the last five days and counting. This is a wicked version of the flu that I don’t wish upon anyone (also because you have to be tested for the flu and its one awful experience—a long, flexible cotton swab is jammed up your nose…). It completely wipes you out. I’ve tried for the last two days to get up and do work only to go back bed. I am on the mend, which is a good thing, but not 100%. Today I thought I could tackle a lot of work only to have to go back to bed for several hours. The word is that it takes 7-10 days to completely recover from this flu, but holy crap who does that work for?!? I’m trying to go with one day at time and work in shorter spans to see if that helps (obviously since I’m writing this I’m having an up moment =).

***A shout-out here to my brother, JT, who has been taking great care of me during all of these aliments. Not sure what I would have done without him. Been even more miserable I’m sure.***

So both my working and my working out have been shot to hell this month, which if you know me are two extremely important parts of my life—not to mention I’m in the middle of training for a half marathon that is now four weeks away and my dissertation due date is looming in front of me. Hm…the next several months might not be pretty.

And last, and probably the most important part of the whataya want from me month, has been about figuring out how to deal with rejection. Yes, January is the month of no’s—no thank you; we’ve moved forward without you; thanks but no thanks; and a lot of great applications were turned away and yours was one of them. I even got a double no from one school because they accidently sent me two email dings two weeks apart. I emailed them back to say, “uh, thanks but I got your point with your first email” (I didn’t really email that but I did email to say they let me know twice—just nicer). The rejection definitely hurts worse when you have interviewed with a school. I haven’t heard from all the schools I’ve interviewed with but the ones I have that have turned me down have been very nice emails but rejections all the same. I want to ask them: Why wasn’t I what you were looking for? What about my answers didn’t cut it? Did you like any part of my application/interview?

Rejection, no matter the form, makes you question yourself—a natural reaction. So, yes, I have been questioning myself a bit this month but I still believe I’m going to get a job. I haven’t given up hope just yet (guess Pollyanna didn’t run too far away). But what I think I’ve learned from the month of January are four things: (1) shorter goals; (2) one day at a time; and (3) stay away from tree roots and sick people.


Oh, wait. I said four things: to just start asking everyone whataya want from me?

12th (wo)man on the Team

Here we go Steelers…here we go. Pittsburgh’s goin’ to the Super Bowl.

After what was a very long week (didn’t seem to matter it was technically only a four dayer), we end on a high note. The Steelers become the second team in NFL history to go to eight super bowls (trivia for the other team, though, if you know your NFL it isn’t hard to figure out!). Two weeks from now we will play the Green Bay Packers in effort to become the first team in NFL history to win seven times. Here we go!

I have been a Steelers fan since before I came out of the womb—I was born into a Steelers family. My dad, my mom, my dad’s dad, my dad’s brother, and so on. Most of family members are Steelers fans. I grew up with David spouting off Steelers line-ups and giving predications way before a child can even truly understand the impact of being a Steelers fan. But the thing about being a Steelers fan is you kinda get labeled as things such as obnoxious, loud, overbearing, and opinionated--even as a child fan. I think what bothers people the most is we’re everywhere. This is Steelers country baby. We’re the 12th man on the team. Win or lose we represent.

I think that a PhD student sorta resembles a Steelers fan. Often these students can be obnoxious, loud, and/or overbearing and (most definitely) opinionated (you know it’s true, though, some people are more than others). I have to wonder if it’s because we go to school for such a long time, so we have lots of knowledge to throw around, right? We know stuff—lots of stuff—and depending on the PhD student’s personality this can come across as, well, all of the above. But we are also like the 12th man on team because we get our jobs done—whether that job is to teach students how to write, how critically analyze, or how to research; we expand upon existing theories to create new defining moments in our fields; and most importantly, the majority of us are fighters never giving up even when we may really (!) want to. We represent our teams (aka disciplines) well and as a result as we make the transition from PhD student to PhD, we go from the 12th man to an actual member of the team. That’s what we are fighting for; it’s why we work hard, push hard, and play hard to earn that spot on the team: to be a professor baby. =)

I write this in the afterglow of winning (another) AFC championship game and as I struggle through the final semester of my PhD. But I kind of like the idea of being the 12th (wo)man on the team because it’s part of the secret to Steelers success, and they don’t leave home without them. Thus, I, too, will be successful in my transition from PhD student to PhD. Makes rational sense.

I'm just a regular ole (anal) Pollyanna

The best laid plans of mice and men…

I perpetually outline different plans for my life or as my mom likes to say I plan my life out in semesters. I do; it’s true. I love to plan. If someone were to take a look at my calendar they might notice the colors (because I tend to color code activities); they might also notice I tend to plan out things based on the hour of the day. 8:00 teach. 9:30 print out CCC work. 12:00 eat lunch. Sounds crazy (I know), but it works for me and keeps my stress level at bay. It really works for me as I tend to be a very busy person with a lot going on mainly because I like to be busy—at one point in my life I was coaching two swim teams, teaching six different composition classes, taking one graduate class, and selling jewelry...now that took some creative planning on my part! So it should come as no surprise that I’m not really spontaneous nor do I like it when my day doesn’t go accordingly to plan (or my month for that matter!). I’ve had to learn to adjust, I must admit, so that I don’t go crazy since as we know life doesn’t always work as we’d like it to.

One thing that this process of job seeking has taught me is to try to go with the flow because let me honest—no matter the level of planning—nothing goes according to plan. Good example: I made a chart of the schools I applied to/will apply to and color coded based on where I want to go and where seemed like a “good” fit. Well I might as well have thrown the color coding out the window because none of it has worked out. The schools I thought I’d be a perfect fit at apparently didn’t agree with me as I haven’t gotten interviews at them. But the schools that I have interviewed with have been very pleasant surprises. The last interview I had was particular awesome for several reasons: (1) the people were so enthusiastic and fun to talk with, (2) my research aligns very nicely with their English department’s mission, and (3) I’d be able to teach some kick ass classes (oh, yes even one possibility of teaching a class on vampires ;-). Thus, my plans are changing. I’m learning to re-adjust my thinking as to what’s important to me in this job search process (besides the obvious of wanting desperately to secure a job) because what I thought was going to be “the plan” isn’t working. And you know what—surprisingly I’m ok with it. I have had some really great interviews with some really great schools that have opened up different possibilities for me which honestly is just exciting.

Hopefully one (or more) of those great schools will want me for a campus interview, but if they don’t, I’m still open for possibilities as my yearly outlined plan has blank spots in it that are just waiting to be filled in. I tend, too, to be more optimistic than not (which I blame my mom for—she’d repeatedly sing to my brothers and me during bad times “the sun will come out tomorrow” so much so that now when I have a bad day I find myself singing it aloud or saying it out loud to others when they have a bad day— let’s just say that not everyone is as keen on the Annie song as I am), so though my thinking might be overly optimistic I still think there are going to be possibilities. And I’m going to hold onto that for a little while longer.

“The poet and the engineer (and the coral reef) may seem a million miles apart in their particular forms of expertise, but when they bring good ideas into the world, similar patterns of development and collaboration shape that process” (22).

Innovation. Dissertation. The two words link nicely together or rather we hope they will--that when we sit back, close the dissertation and send it on its merry way, it’s innovative, creative and offers a fresh perspective on something that someone’s going to want to read/listen to. Right? Right. I often wonder, though, how anyone can claim that something is innovative and fresh in the 21st century—doesn’t it feel like so much has already been done already?

Well Steven Johnson’s latest book, Where Good Ideas Come From, might offer some type of answer to this. In it he questions how we might “generate groundbreaking ideas that push forward our careers, our lives, our society, our culture?” I just recently bought Johnson’s book (along with Red Riding Hood, the new movie that’s coming out, and The Vampire Book: the Encyclopedia of the Undead—hey, no judgment it was only 98 cents, and I happen to buy any book that has the word vampire on its cover and now if you ever have burning desire to get up on your vampire knowledge I got ya covered!) because I’m curious as to how he might answer this question. I feel like the dissertation begs to “push forward” something for us, whether that something is our careers or our lives and an article I just read in the Chronicle of Higher Ed suggests just that. Schools look for innovative dissertations, and we want to give that to them.

But first things first: putting those good ideas down on paper. Sometime I think part of the difficulty in writing a dissertation is me: I’m my biggest obstacle. I’ve never had issues drafting something—ask my college roommate, I could whip up a pretty darn good 10-15 page source-based paper in five hours or less—and this has continued with me. My writing process differs slightly from most that I know because I write my way into everything. There’s no need for outlining, brainstorming, or rough drafts, I jump right into the first complete draft. This means, though, that my drafting process is probably longer than most, but it works for me. Normally. Until this dissertation. Now I’m struggling, and I don’t like it—not one bit. If I had one page of writing for every time I have written on a to-do list “work on dissertation” it would have been done before Christmas. Instead I’m working my way through #2 and a little thing called coding.

Perhaps struggling is part of the dissertation process, and if that’s so, I’m saddened that I’ve succumbed to the perils of it. I have good ideas I tell you! They are floating around somewhere in my head; I just need them float there way down to my fingers and out onto the page at a much faster rate.

Brain hear my call: I need #2 completed drafted by Friday (that’s two days from now) and a outline of a coding scheme. K? Well, ok then get those good ideas flying--not floating--on down to my fingers.