Downpours and Rainbows

If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put with the rain. ---Dolly Parton

The rain was fallin’ for me in March (as can probably be noted in my earlier posts), and it kept coming and going in downpours. It wasn’t a bad month, per say, but it was definitely a month where there was a lot of questioning and wondering: is this dissertation going to keep moving forward? Will I get a job? Can I keep up with my workload? Am I ever going to be able to wear a heel again (ok, so perhaps the last question isn’t as important as the others but still 3 months later I’m dying to put on my highest, sassiest pair and strut like I’ve never strutted before…)? The thing with questioning and wondering it leaves you standing in the downpour, no umbrella, mascara running down your face, feeling insecure and useless, so you gotta do your best to embrace the downpours as they come because whether you admit it or not they are a part of this process.

Recently I was having a conversation and someone said to me, “ok you’ve got 7 minutes to be negative and talk about your dissertation/job search.” I was kinda taken back by this statement. Having not lived the same experiences I have lived in the last 7 months I believe that is an unfair characterization of how I’ve dealt with/am dealing with everything (plus I don’t really view myself as a negative person. Case in point: I’ve won two awards in my lifetime for being motivating—you can’t really be a motivating person and be negative. ;-) The thing is, and if I’m being honest, the last year of your PhD is not easy and saying that it’s not easy doesn’t make it a negative statement—it makes it real. I believe in being real because I want to try and help others for when they reach their last year in the PhD. But here's the truth: I can write as many blog posts as I want about it, and I’m not sure anyone can truly be prepared until they live it, breathe it, and really dig in deep to everything that is a part of year 4. Rain, downpours, sometimes even wicked thunder storms become embedded in this last year.

But where there is rain there can be a rainbow...

So, yes, there were some downpours in the month of March for me but as March slid into April I’ve stumbled onto several rainbows. I’ve had five new interviews and been offered a position from a previous place I’ve interviewed with. I’m hoping that out of the new interviews that I’m able to go and do a campus interview at least one of them because here’s the thing: I’ve been questioning and wondering but up until this point none of the jobs I’ve interviewed for were exactly “right” for me and even though that was a hard lesson to learn it’s enabled me to become a much better interviewer (dude! I’ve got my research done cold! =) and has given me a confidence about my research/dissertation that I didn’t have before (and that has definitely helped feed into my dissertation writing).

See the funny thing about this last year of you PhD (and to use a cliché) you just never know what tomorrow holds. Could be a rejection or three. Could be a job offer. Could be a major break in #4. As my mother has told me since I was old enough to remember (and yes she sings it): the sun will come out tomorrow…and sometimes brings with it a rainbow.

12th (wo)man on the Team

Here we go Steelers…here we go. Pittsburgh’s goin’ to the Super Bowl.

After what was a very long week (didn’t seem to matter it was technically only a four dayer), we end on a high note. The Steelers become the second team in NFL history to go to eight super bowls (trivia for the other team, though, if you know your NFL it isn’t hard to figure out!). Two weeks from now we will play the Green Bay Packers in effort to become the first team in NFL history to win seven times. Here we go!

I have been a Steelers fan since before I came out of the womb—I was born into a Steelers family. My dad, my mom, my dad’s dad, my dad’s brother, and so on. Most of family members are Steelers fans. I grew up with David spouting off Steelers line-ups and giving predications way before a child can even truly understand the impact of being a Steelers fan. But the thing about being a Steelers fan is you kinda get labeled as things such as obnoxious, loud, overbearing, and opinionated--even as a child fan. I think what bothers people the most is we’re everywhere. This is Steelers country baby. We’re the 12th man on the team. Win or lose we represent.

I think that a PhD student sorta resembles a Steelers fan. Often these students can be obnoxious, loud, and/or overbearing and (most definitely) opinionated (you know it’s true, though, some people are more than others). I have to wonder if it’s because we go to school for such a long time, so we have lots of knowledge to throw around, right? We know stuff—lots of stuff—and depending on the PhD student’s personality this can come across as, well, all of the above. But we are also like the 12th man on team because we get our jobs done—whether that job is to teach students how to write, how critically analyze, or how to research; we expand upon existing theories to create new defining moments in our fields; and most importantly, the majority of us are fighters never giving up even when we may really (!) want to. We represent our teams (aka disciplines) well and as a result as we make the transition from PhD student to PhD, we go from the 12th man to an actual member of the team. That’s what we are fighting for; it’s why we work hard, push hard, and play hard to earn that spot on the team: to be a professor baby. =)

I write this in the afterglow of winning (another) AFC championship game and as I struggle through the final semester of my PhD. But I kind of like the idea of being the 12th (wo)man on the team because it’s part of the secret to Steelers success, and they don’t leave home without them. Thus, I, too, will be successful in my transition from PhD student to PhD. Makes rational sense.