Whataya want from me?!?

Whataya want from me?!?

Adam Lambert, looking straight into the camera, provocatively sings “whataya want from me” and we wonder just who is he talking to—the public, the radio stations, the paparazzi, the record label or is he really just singing an anthem of many of our lives? The answer to his probing question is never answered and even in interviews Lambert says the song’s meant to be open for interpretation.

I have never really liked Adam Lambert—a personal preference to be sure—but his lyrics are the kind that get stuck in your head and won’t get out. I started out not even wanting to listen to his first single and then last summer a good friend of mine came into town. We had a conversation about how much she loves (!) Lambert and how much I did not. To be honest EB has quite the eclectic taste (read weird ;-) in the people that she appreciates/loves in Hollywood. I mean this is a girl who has a near obsession with Steve Buscemi beyond his acting ability—great actor, but past that um, no thanks. So we had this long conversation about Lambert and she didn’t sell me on him, but once she left I started to hear his song everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. I’d be in the mall or in the car or I’d be watching TV and boom! There he was in all his glammed out glory. I think EB flew out of Tallie leaving behind a (Glam)bert curse—to follow me wherever I go. So, Lambert’s song grew on me (note: he did not—just to be clear).

Whataya want from me?!?

January, for me, has been the month of whataya want from me. The post from a few weeks ago needs to be revised: Pollyanna has fled the building. I’ve been sitting on the sidelines for most of the month, and I’m going to be honest it’s been hard.

First came an ankle injury, which left me having to try and do work from the couch. Sounds reasonable but I had to elevate my ankle and ice it while attempting to balance my computer, books, notes, and notebooks. I tried to suck it up and sit at my desk only to have my ankle swell more. Luckily it’s on the mend. I think what’s distressed me the most about the ankle injury is the fact that I’ve been stuck in tennis shoes and flats for over two weeks not an easy feat for a girl who loves her heels.

Next I somehow contracted two strains of the flu virus—I’m blaming my freshmen, which I told them and they agreed it was probably them—and have been completely “laid up” (as my grandmother would say) for the last five days and counting. This is a wicked version of the flu that I don’t wish upon anyone (also because you have to be tested for the flu and its one awful experience—a long, flexible cotton swab is jammed up your nose…). It completely wipes you out. I’ve tried for the last two days to get up and do work only to go back bed. I am on the mend, which is a good thing, but not 100%. Today I thought I could tackle a lot of work only to have to go back to bed for several hours. The word is that it takes 7-10 days to completely recover from this flu, but holy crap who does that work for?!? I’m trying to go with one day at time and work in shorter spans to see if that helps (obviously since I’m writing this I’m having an up moment =).

***A shout-out here to my brother, JT, who has been taking great care of me during all of these aliments. Not sure what I would have done without him. Been even more miserable I’m sure.***

So both my working and my working out have been shot to hell this month, which if you know me are two extremely important parts of my life—not to mention I’m in the middle of training for a half marathon that is now four weeks away and my dissertation due date is looming in front of me. Hm…the next several months might not be pretty.

And last, and probably the most important part of the whataya want from me month, has been about figuring out how to deal with rejection. Yes, January is the month of no’s—no thank you; we’ve moved forward without you; thanks but no thanks; and a lot of great applications were turned away and yours was one of them. I even got a double no from one school because they accidently sent me two email dings two weeks apart. I emailed them back to say, “uh, thanks but I got your point with your first email” (I didn’t really email that but I did email to say they let me know twice—just nicer). The rejection definitely hurts worse when you have interviewed with a school. I haven’t heard from all the schools I’ve interviewed with but the ones I have that have turned me down have been very nice emails but rejections all the same. I want to ask them: Why wasn’t I what you were looking for? What about my answers didn’t cut it? Did you like any part of my application/interview?

Rejection, no matter the form, makes you question yourself—a natural reaction. So, yes, I have been questioning myself a bit this month but I still believe I’m going to get a job. I haven’t given up hope just yet (guess Pollyanna didn’t run too far away). But what I think I’ve learned from the month of January are four things: (1) shorter goals; (2) one day at a time; and (3) stay away from tree roots and sick people.


Oh, wait. I said four things: to just start asking everyone whataya want from me?